you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
