Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The best revenge is premature balding
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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