I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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