well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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