How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
