I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
