dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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