I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
