Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
