I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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