sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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