My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
