so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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