I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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