just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
