Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
