i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
