Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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