I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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