Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
