He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
