i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
