why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
