Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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