Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
