i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
