Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
