I skipped work to stalk him.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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