At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
