If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
