i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
