At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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