dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
