dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
