I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Im part way to drunk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize