I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
operation have a gay friend backfired
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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