what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
