I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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