My friends, they love my intelligence
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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