you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
