I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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