God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
