I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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