Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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