Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
