Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize