real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
