I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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