gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
