I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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