My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
