What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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