I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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