just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
