She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
