dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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