Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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