what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
