So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
