That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
