I wish my penis had an off switch
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Randomize
