Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
