i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The air was thick with penises
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
