I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
