i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize