Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
