Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
