this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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